Monday, February 3, 2014

The Crushing Power of Overthinking

Have you ever been asked what you think your super power would be? Ask my boys and they’d tell you, “Laser eyes! No! No! Ummmm, super strength! No wait! I want to FLY!”

Have you ever asked yourself that question? I did and decided that my super power is the power of overthinking. Doesn’t sound so fun huh? I mean, I could totally make something up and share what I’d WANT my superpower to be but I try to be honest in my posts.

I am always wondering if I’m doing my best. If something is going wrong I wonder if it’s my fault. If I don’t hear from a friend for a while I immediately wonder if I did something wrong. If a friend vents to me and talks down about someone else I immediately wonder what she might be saying about me to another friend. I often jump to the worst conclusions too. Fun stuff.

I know I’m supposed to take my thoughts captive but I find that rather than taking them captive and giving them to God I take them captive and put them in a little box. Soon those boxes pile up and I’ve got a big wall of anxiety hovering over me.

This also leads me to holding my thoughts and feelings in. Why? Because I will have the whole conversation in my head and think out all the possible outcomes eventually coming to the conclusion that the conversation will end poorly so why even have it. Sometimes I wish I did less thinking before I speak. At least then everything would be out in the open rather than stuck in my head running on repeat.

And of course there’s bedtime. The time that I should be able to lay down and let go of all the days concerns. Unfortunately that’s when my brain seems to go into overdrive.

You’re probably wondering why am I posting this. Truthfully I’m not certain. I suppose just to share with others that I too struggle on a daily basis. I’m real. My blog is real. I also want other mommas to know that if they do this as well they are not alone. I’m still trying to find ways to overcome this power of mine but I know it will take time and practice. Baby steps, right?