In January I posted about resolutions. More specifically I shared at how awful I am at keeping them. So instead I decided to set goals for my year. Now that it’s November and 2014 is staring me in the face saying “I’m coming!” I realize that I sort of even suck at working toward my goals. Ugh. I still don’t drink enough water...heck, I hardly drink ANY water. I still waste time but now I find other ways, cough**crafting**cough. And I still don’t have a book. Sigh.
I will admit…writing a book is something I really want to do but it’s also something I’m terrified of. Doubt rings in my head, “Who’d want to read something you wrote.” “What makes you think you have enough interesting things to share to fill up an entire book?” “How on earth do you plan on finding time to write an entire book?” “Do you realize all that’s involved in the whole process? Writing, editing, finding a way to publish it, finding funds to publish it.” My head is really good at making me think I cannot do things. I deal with self doubt a lot unfortunately. When it comes to things like being a mom I tend to be able to fight that doubt a little better but when it comes to stuff like writing a book. Well, that doubt is not so easy to fight.
Let me tell you something though. I have found a new determination and some amazing and encouraging friends. So what if there’s only a month left of 2013 and I’m just starting to work on my book. Even baby steps are steps in the right direction. I still fight the doubt and get overwhelmed easily. I’m still not 100% sure what direction my book is going to go. I’d love to share our JA journey but wonder if I have enough ‘experience’ to share. Maybe it will be a parenting type book. Sharing stories of motherhood and blessings it brings. My friends keep telling me, “Write an outline. Get all your thoughts organized.” And I’m trying..I’m really trying. My biggest problem is that I am so not an organized person and when I write I tend to be more stream-of-conscious rather than straight forward. Who knows though. I may end up with 150 different Word documents but at least I’ll have words down. Maybe then I can work on the organization part. Maybe I can work at this in a backward way.
Anyway, you’re probably wondering where on earth this post is going. I wanted to encourage you to never give up on a dream no matter how big it is and no matter where you are in life. There is a reason it’s in your heart. God placed it there for a purpose. If you continue to work toward it, even baby steps at at time, you will eventually achieve what you set out to do. I may not have my book in 2013 but I will have it started. Maybe in 2014 my dream will be reality…maybe not. But no matter what, I refuse to give into the whispers of doubt in my head and I refuse to give up!